


Without You

by dilemma



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Best Friends, Cute, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Surgeon Castiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-27
Updated: 2014-04-27
Packaged: 2018-01-21 01:24:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1532492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dilemma/pseuds/dilemma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Being a surgeon has its ups and downs, and Dean has to be there to make sure Castiel doesn't crash.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Without You

**Author's Note:**

> This is a really short drabble fic that I wrote and a lot of people liked it so I decided I would post it here because why not? I'll be doing that periodically with ficlets I write to satisfy some of you between posting chapters for my longer piece. Thank you so much for the support!

Dean guessed he’d fallen in love with his best friend, or rather acknowledged it, around four months ago when Castiel stumbled into the apartment, drunk. He was laughing his ass off at some joke he and his colleagues from the hospital had come up with. The unfortunate thing was, Castiel didn’t get drunk and so Dean knew something had to be wrong. 

Ever since Castiel had graduated and become one of the top surgeons at the hospital he worked at, he was never home. At first, it didn’t bother Dean too much, but he missed his best friend. He missed him a lot. Dean would start drinking copious amounts of coffee just to keep himself up until Castiel came home. He would always fall asleep on the couch, though, and then he’d wake up with a blanket on him and breakfast sitting on the coffee table next to him. 

Without Castiel, Dean would be an utter mess, and even when he wasn’t around all that much, he still managed to take care of Dean. Now, it was time for Dean to take care of Castiel, especially when he was drunk out of his mind. 

"Cas, what the hell is going on?" he asked, standing from the couch and walking over to his friend who was still laughing ridiculously at nothing. Dean was getting more and more worried by the second, placing a hand on Castiel’s shoulder. 

What he didn’t expect was Castiel stumbling into his arms and wrapping his own around Dean’s waist, pulling him close. Dean froze for a moment, and Castiel was still laughing. 

No. 

Castiel wasn’t laughing anymore. His shoulders were shaking and Dean’s shirt felt damp, and he heard gasps for air. Castiel was crying. Dean relaxed, wrapping his arms around the dark haired man clutching onto him. Dean still wasn’t exactly sure as to why Castiel was acting this way, then Dean remembered. 

That morning Castiel had told him that he was going to have a big surgery that day. It was going to be one of those high stress, long hours, and intense surgeries. The kind that were life or death. And from the state Castiel was in, Dean assumed the surgery failed. 

While Castiel was a great surgeon, he wasn’t very good at holding himself together when things like this happened. He blamed himself the whole way through and even if he did everything right in the procedure, he would still think he had to have done something wrong. Castiel wasn’t good with death, not at all. 

Weight shifted in his arms and soon Castiel felt very heavy. Dean realized he was collapsing and Dean sighed softly. He slowly lowered the both of them to the floor, cradling Castiel in his arms and rubbing his back gently. He’d have to wait until Castiel calmed down to talk to him. 

"Sh-she was so young… so young," Castiel mumbled between gasps for air. "I should have done s-something… I messed it all up. I became a surgeon to help people, not kill them!" he shouted. Dean tightened his grip on the man. 

"Cas, calm down," Dean murmured, but Castiel wouldn’t and Dean had to turn him so that Castiel was forced to look at him. "Listen to me, right now. You did nothing wrong, Cas. Sometimes people can’t be saved. Sometimes people die. There’s nothing that can be done about it. You’ve saved tons of people. God, I can’t even count how many people you’ve saved!"

"You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met. You’re always trying to help and save people, but what you forget is that not everyone can be saved. You can’t blame yourself for these things," Dean finished, taking a deep breath and looking Castiel in the eye. 

Castiel stared at Dean, looking into those green eyes and seeing the sincerity that rested there. “I…” Castiel shook his head. “I failed.” He tried to say it to make himself feel better, to accept it and move on. He put his head in his hands. “I failed.” 

Dean grabbed Castiel’s wrists, then put his hands on Castiel’s cheeks. “You failed, Cas, and that’s okay. You’ve succeeded in so many other ways. Cas, even angels couldn’t save everyone… if they could, death would be practically nonexistent.” Castiel was very religious and while Dean wasn’t, he knew that these references would help Castiel feel better. 

"If anything, you’re an angel. You do your best with everything, you’ve saved so many people," Dean continued. "Cas, you saved me. You’ve saved me more times than I can count. I owe you just about everything, and you’re so beautiful, Cas, please." 

Castiel’s hands rested at Dean’s wrists, taking in every word no matter how drunk he was. He’d never heard anything like that from Dean and he stopped breathing for a second. Dean thought he was an angel, thought he was beautiful. 

Again, Dean was surprised as Castiel practically lunged forward, wrapping his arms around his neck and knocking them both down so they went from sitting on the ground to lying on it. Castiel was laying on top of him and Dean wasn’t sure how to respond so he slowly wrapped his arms around Castiel. 

"Thank you, Dean," Castiel whispered, burying his head into Dean’s neck. "You’re the most wonderful person… the most wonderful…" he continued, slurring his words. Dean nodded carefully, feeling the warmth of Castiel against him and the man’s breath at his neck, and the words that left his lips. 

Dean realized he was in love with his best friend. He was silent for a few moments, biting his lip and then clearing his throat. “I love you, Cas,” he whispered, even though the steady breathing clued in that Castiel was asleep. He wished he had the courage to tell him before he’d fallen asleep, but drunk and upset were two things he didn’t want Castiel to be when he told him. 

—

Four months later. Dean still couldn’t find the right time to tell Castiel he was in love with him. He didn’t even know how one went about telling their best friend something like that. The fact that Castiel was almost never home also gave him a very small windows of opportunity, so small that when he had the chance, he got nervous and backed out. 

One day, he woke up on the couch and a blanket wrapped around him. He’d missed yet another chance to talk to Castiel by falling asleep before he got home. However, when he turned expecting his breakfast, there was none. He wondered why Castiel gave him a blanket, but didn’t make him breakfast as usual. 

Then, the smell of bacon hit his nose and he blinked a few times, confused. He shuffled off the couch, almost stumbling because he was still half asleep, but he was too curious to wake up fully before checking this out. When he reached the doorway to the kitchen, he caught sight of Castiel in a t-shirt and boxers, cooking breakfast. 

"Wh-"

"Are you just going to stand there or are you going to help me out by grabbing some plates?" Castiel asked before Dean could question his being there. Dean nodded slowly before rushing to grab a couple plates, setting them on the counter beside Castiel who began plating the food almost immediately. 

"Don’t you have work?" Dean asked, walking around to lean against the counter on the other side of Castiel. 

Castiel glanced over at him, shaking his head. “I decided to take a couple days off,” he replied and Dean grinned from ear to ear. “I wasn’t getting enough sleep and I was stressed. They understood, gave it to me easily because I’ve never missed a day of work.” 

Dean was still grinning as he stared at Castiel, then he felt nervous because he had his chance. He opened his mouth to say something, Castiel looking over at him. “Cas,” Dean began, and Castiel paused for a moment, watching him, almost expectant. Dean lost his voice and couldn’t finish because what if Castiel laughed at him or rejected him. 

"I also wanted to spend more time with you because I haven’t been the greatest recently, I know. I’m never here and you don’t have to tell me, Dean," Castiel rambled, turning to Dean fully. "I’m sorry I haven’t been here, I’m sure you’ve got a lot on your plate and I haven’t been here to listen. And you wait for me every night, I know you do because you hate sleeping on that couch, yet I find you passed out on it every time I come home."

"Hey, Cas, it-" 

"And I want to be here for you more because I don’t want you to think I hate you or something. I’ve really been a terrible friend and I’m trying, but it’s just so hard with everything. I need you to understand that. I am truly, very sorry, Dean," Castiel kept going and Dean really just wanted him to stop blaming himself. "You’re going to get sick if you keep waiting up for me like that. You don’t have to do it, you really don’t. And a few months ago, I’m very sorry for showing up like that. I’m quite surprised you’re still here because I was a mess. You didn’t deserve all that. I-…" 

Dean was sick of it. Of Castiel’s self blame. He stepped forward, a sudden burst of courage within him, and pressed his lips to Castiel’s. His hands went to cup the man’s face as he tilted his head, deepening it. At first, Castiel was too stunned to kiss back, but then he leaned into the kiss and wrapped his arms around Dean. 

Castiel’s lips were soft, and Dean was absolutely positive he could spend all day kissing them. His heart fluttered at the way Castiel was kissing back and they stayed like this for a minute at least before Dean pulled back. 

"It’s all okay, Cas," Dean murmured, brushing his thumbs over the other’s cheeks. "I don’t mind waiting up for you, I don’t mind if you come home like that sometimes, I understand it comes with the job, Cas. I’ll always be here for you. I love you." 

Castiel stared back at Dean in total shock before leaning in and pressing his lips more forcefully to Dean’s, then moving his kisses along his face. Dean was laughing lightly and Castiel was smiling. “I love you, too, Dean,” he stated over and over. 

Four months ago, Dean realized he was in love with his best friend. And whether or not Dean knew; four months ago, Castiel realized he was in love with his best friend.


End file.
